Getting Your Baby or Toddler to Sleep
Getting your child to sleep continues to be a very controversial topic among parents. The truth is there is no right way. You should do whatever works for you. Sleeping with your baby in bed, in a bassinet next to you, in a crib in their room, anything. For me- I think whatever way you and your family are getting the most sleep is the right way for you.
When Ben was little and having a hard time sleeping, I reached out to Sleepy Planet. A friend had swore they'd changed her life. Founded by two LCSW's (that's Licensed Clinical Social Worker) and based in Los Angeles, Sleepy Planet specializes in getting your child to sleep.
After consulting with Jennifer and Jill, Ben's sleep changed dramatically.
I asked Sleepy Planet for some "secrets" to post on my website, and they happily obliged. Following are some of their awesome insights into getting your child to sleep, plus actual sleep schedules you can use.
Their advice below:
There are six main “sleep stealers,” or reasons your child isn’t sleeping well. They may be affected by one of them, by a combination of several, or - if you’ve hit the jackpot - by all six.
The 6 Sleep Stealers
#1: No Consistent Bedtime Routine
Though most parents know a bedtime routine is a good idea, it is hard to be consistent, either because there’s too much to do or because your child has so much energy that it’s hard to slow her down. Still, a predictable wind-down routine is one of the most important tools your child needs to sleep well.
Tips:
• Physical activity should come before your routine
• It should last 15 to 60 minutes at nighttime, and about 10 to 15 minutes before a nap
• Do your routine in the same room where your child sleeps
• Do approximately the same activities each time in the same order
#2: Your Child Needs You to Fall Asleep
It’s the most natural thing in the world to rock or feed your child to sleep, but doing this doesn’t help him stay asleep all night - many children who fall asleep this way awaken repeatedly. These disruptions are often caused at least partially by their dependence on certain conditions, or “sleep associations” - anything your child associates with falling asleep, including being held, rocking, sucking or falling asleep with a parent. Throughout the night, your child drifts into lighter sleep phases to check out her environment. During these “partial arousals,” she’s not fully conscious—and as long as nothing has changed significantly since she fell asleep, she returns to deeper sleep. But for many children, if something is different, this raises a red flag and she will need you to recreate the same conditions that were present when she fell asleep in the first place. Not all associations are bad; what’s important is that your child can recreate them on his own and put himself back to sleep.
#3: Poor Sleep Environment
Your child’s environment plays a very important role in her ability to sleep well. She needs to be protected from disruptions that can prevent her from settling to sleep, sleeping deeply, and sleeping for the right length of time.
Tips:
• Your child’s crib or bed should be all about sleep, and whatever doesn’t contribute to sleep should go
• On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being dark, your child’s room should be an 8 or 9
• Protect your child from distracting sounds with white noise. You can use a fan, air purifier, or white noise machine
• Dress children in something warm enough to protect them without a blanket
#4: Misusing Sleep Aids
Sleep aids include pacifiers, swaddling, music and blankies. Although some sleep aids lead to sleep associations, not all are detrimental. What’s important is that you know when they are appropriate and when they interfere with sleep.
#5: Mistimed Sleep Schedule
Allowing your child to stay up until he seems tired is one of the surest ways to guarantee a bumpy night of sleep. One reason is that your child will probably wake early, due to morning light; the other is that your child will likely become overtired. For children of every age, there are optimal “sleep windows” in which it is easiest to drift off into sleep. If your child goes too far past this window, his body becomes stressed and produces the hormone cortisol, which acts as a stimulant, like caffeine and can cause your child to act “wired” or appear to get a second wind. Most children do well with a bedtime between 7:00 and 8:00 PM; 8:30 is the latest bedtime we recommend up to age 10. Choosing a consistent bedtime doesn’t mean that your child won’t ever be able to stay up late for a special occasion or a family night out; If he does stay up late one night, try to put him down on time the next. Most children need at least 11 hours of sleep to function well. And bedtime is the time when your child is in her crib or bed with the lights out.
#6: Night Noshing
To be successful in learning how to sleep your child needs to have one clear, consistent response to his night wakings. If you sometimes feed him when he cries and sometimes do not, he’ll become confused and will cry longer and harder overall. You may be wondering how your baby will make it all the way through the night without feeding. You have every reason to be concerned about this if your child is used to eating at night, but by the time a baby is 5 months old and weighs 15 pounds, she should be able to sleep all night without a feed. If you have a toddler who is growing well, he is perfectly capable of taking in all of the necessary calories and hydration during the day.
Following are the sleep schedules that changed my life!
Sleep Guidelines for Children from Birth through Age 5
4 TO 6 MONTHS
11 to 12 hours of night sleep; 3 to 4 hours of nap sleep (2 to 3 naps)
Bedtime 7:00 PM
Waketime 6:00 AM
First nap: 8:00 AM
Second nap: 11:30 AM
Third nap: 3:00 PM
6 TO 9 MONTHS
11 to 12 hours of night sleep;
2 to 3 hours of nap sleep (2 to 3 naps)
Bedtime: 7:30 PM
Waketime: 6:30 AM
First nap: 9:00 AM
Second nap: 1:00 PM
May need to make bedtime earlier as child drops 3rd nap
9 TO 12 MONTHS
11 to 12 hours of night sleep; 1½ to 3 hours of nap sleep (2 naps)
Bedtime: 7:30 PM
Waketime: 6:30 AM
First nap: 9:30 AM
Second nap: 2:00 PM
12 TO 24 MONTHS
11 to 12 hours of night sleep; 1½ to 3 hours of nap sleep (1 or 2 naps)
Bedtime: 7:30 PM
Waketime: 6:30 AM
Nap: 11:30 AM
May need to make bedtime earlier as child drops to 1 nap .
2 TO 3 YEARS
11 to 12 hours of night sleep; 1½ to 3 hours of nap sleep (1 nap)
Bedtime: 8:00 PM
Waketime: 7:00 AM
Nap: 12:00 PM
3 TO 5 YEARS
11 to 12 hours of night sleep; 1½ to 2 hours of nap sleep (if still napping)
Bedtime: 8:00 PM
Waketime: 6:30 AM
Nap: 12:30 PM May need to make bedtime earlier when child drops nap
Note: Some children will sleep 10½ hours at night and seem well rested in the morning. If this is the case for your child, then he is rested with 10½ hours of night sleep.
Jennifer Waldburger, LCSW, and Jill Spivack, LCSW are co-founders of Sleepy Planet, a company that offers collaborative consultation, education, parenting groups, counseling, and products to parents of children birth to five years. Addressing the big picture of family life – including sleep, feeding, child development, sibling issues, marriage and refining individual parenting philosophy and style – Sleepy Planet helps parents create a balanced, fulfilling family experience. Jennifer and Jill, who are co-creators of the award-winning book and DVD The Sleepeasy Solution, have been featured in a wide variety of media, including Good Morning America, The Today Show, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Parenting, and Parents. For more information, please visit www.sleepyplanet.com.